Preparation time!

Hola!

I made a promise to several people that I would document my time in Los Angeles and keep a running update for everyone praying for and thinking of the incredible ministry that is happening in inner city LA. I want to start this blog out by saying: I am a TERRIBLE blogger. I find myself unmotivated and without words to adequately describe what I am experiencing, so if you come here to check for an update and there isn't one, nag me. I want to be diligent in sharing the stories of how God is moving and I may need some gentle reminders :]

May 25th is getting nearer and nearer. Just 14 more days until I pack up a summer's worth of things and relocate up to California to meet my new roommates/coworkers and start the intensive training for city hosting. There is this overwhelming mixture of excitement and fright as I think about it and I'm not sure which emotion is currently winning. There is so much to prepare for, to pray for, to do. And yet, at the same time, I just have to go. Just go.

As I'm getting ready to experience life in a completely new way, I can't help but feel inadequate. I feel like my heart does not know the depth of compassion that is required for this, that my mind is not fully focused on serving and using this opportunity for unbridled love, that I am so ignorant in the truth of the way my brothers and sisters live down in the inner city. But thats the beauty in this. I have SO MUCH growth ahead of me; God is going to be molding me and forming me into the woman who IS meant to be there. I can't wait to learn from these people-- to get my hands dirty in their lives. I am still in shock that God thinks I can do this. That gives me hope that maybe he will work through me to further His Kingdom somehow. What an incredible blessing. Thank you, beautiful Savior.

I tend to believe that I know God's plan for me, that I can anticipate how he will use me. But I know thats not how it is. I can't even begin to imagine the reality of God's path for me this summer: how he will break my heart, open my eyes, teach me. All I can ask is that in every moment of every day I am taken away from my own reality, my way of life. I want to be fully immersed in experiencing every second of this life; seeing something new around every corner, in every face. I pray that with each day I am brought to my knees so that I can see the purpose in His sacrifice. Maybe by being face down in front of it, eye-level with the base of the wood, I can see how the ground is even at the foot of the cross. These people are not my 'charity cases', but they are my salvation. I pray that my own humanity (pride, superiority complex, possessions) does not subtract from this journey.

In Luke, Christ says "Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of God" (Luke 6:20). It makes me wonder, are my values different than those of God's Kingdom? Is it true that those who are monetarily blessed enter with greater difficulty? I don't necessarily think its the money itself that is our stumbling point, but the mindset that tends to accompany this gift of security. We see ourselves as harder-working, more dedicated, cleaner, more sane, more loved. In a nut shell: we believe ourselves to be better. But Christ says that lesser is greater. It seems to me that the Lord's wisdom is found in lesser cirumstances. Kevin Blue put it great when he said "The Lord himself is found among the poor. The kingdom of God is found in the dirty, grimy, common places of the world. And in his presence, we are all changed."


Thank you for your constant prayer and spiritual support. I'll be keeping you guys updated!


Blessings,
Em